i see fire

Peggy Gravel: Hello? What number are you calling? You’ve dialed the wrong number! Sorry? What good is that? How can you ever repay the last thirty seconds you have stolen from my life? I hate you, your husband, your children, and your relatives!!! Desperate Living

this week tasted like toenail. and i’m glad it’s almost over. hoping i don’t have to experience it again. sad i lost those 4 days. even less fun was feeling like a fly in a spider’s web or a guinea pig in a first grader’s care. poked and prodded and held up by all fours.

it’s as if i transported into mortville and became a subject of queen carlotta. the village were all instructed to walk backwards as she hurled insults and spouted verbal injuries at her subjects laughing like a portly hyena with a crown all the while.

Queen Carlotta: [surveying her subjects as they participate in her own self-enforced “Backwards Day”] Look at those dummies! Hey, moron! You got your clothes on backwards! Ha ha ha! Oh, God, this is fun! Hi, stupid! Hi, ugly!

Shotsie: Ewww, that senile old cunt!

Mole McHenry: I wish I had a rifle with a telescopic lens.

Flipper: I’d help you pull the trigger, Mole!

Muffy St. Jacques: Squeaky Fromme, where are you when we need you?

that’s just how it felt. really it was just another week with the same cast members mixing up their roles. perhaps the only saving grace for me is my beliefs. but even those were annoying. it’s hard to quote “when things fall apart” as my life feels like it’s falling apart and not feel hypocritical. it sucks to feel victimized as i share with another that the “victim” part of me is only make believe. i walked myself into my life. i walked directly onto this stage and agreed to play with these players. i know the stakes and i agreed. and i hate it when i’m right that i’m not right.

sometimes i feel like a motherless child. emphasis on “feels”. i have a mother. and i’m lucky she’s still around.

i just want to be khalesi today and tell my dragon babies to breathe fire all over the village and send them packing. maybe then i can come in and save the day and feel like a hero again.

#lifeonlifesterms #edsheeran #secondstagesobriety #emotionalsobriety #recovery #anger #struggle #stage2recovery