love i meant to say

Oliver Reed: You cold? Alice Moore: A cat just walked over my grave….. Cat People 1942

friday after work. spent the day at a symposium on a new theory for suicide prevenntion- an important topic, but not at all sexy. my eyelids became heavy on a few occasions and i became a bobblehead in the prescence of my supervisor and her supervisor. there was an interesting correlation about becoming numb to the risks of people committing suicide when compared to the space shuttle disaster of 2003- everyone at nasa had become used to foam incidents so when there was a foam incident on the shuttle expedition no one took it as seriously they could have because they had become numb to the risk. it cost them everything.

so i felt compelled to post something today. i ran across the episode of “smash” with jeremy jordan singing “the love i meant to say”. it penetrated (again). and i decided to just post a litttle about some things i really loved and haven’t really made an effort to say.

i had a conversation about the film “lone survivor” today. underrated film, incredible story, a wake-up call for me to recognize just what kind of price americans ask our young men we draft into service every day as well as the sheer insult of indifference we repay these young men with. i hope i can always remember this incongruence and work to right it. the following is excerpted from the website www.lonesurvivorfoundation.org

THE NEED

Overseas deployments and combat action can take a serious toll on everyone involved – from the men and women on the front lines to the friends and families who wait patiently for their loved ones to return home. Transitioning to post-military life, whether wounded in combat or simply adjusting to the civilian sector, will often cause difficulty for the service member and his or her family. We are here to help America’s wounded service members and their families adjust to the effects of their experiences by providing an understanding and acceptance of who they are as a person, a family, and a community.

this week on bravo, james lipton and “inside the actors studio” has presented amy adams and matthew mcconaughey- both i found worth the time. amy teared up at the mention of phillip seymour hoffman. she had worked with him on 2 films- “doubt” and “master”. “doubt” will always hold a strong memory for me. the scene in which meryl streep confronts viola davis about the possible intentions of the priest on her son- viola davis’ delivery of sentiment that she didn’t care what the priest’s intention was because he was giving her son some positive affection and love from a male perspective was enough. the scene breaks my heart even when i think of it. she let go of her judgement and expectation to make room for her son’s needs. what a wallop.

amy adams actors studio remembers phillip seymour hoffman .. image credit nydailynews

an long ago friend- violet banks-posted some pics from a performance she and some friends did at medusas- a dance club i played at in chicago in the 80’s. this particular night, in a room full of dayglo painted walls, the performers had various asundry relationship entanglements in the black-lit room. there was a follow spot with a jewel-tone pink gel whose light danced and played with the performers and helped to create a story. i ran the light for quite a while, it was very impromptu, very lo-tech as billy miller would say, and it was hella fun. the club, the time period, and so many of those souls whose paths i crossed still create love and warm fuzzies inside me.